‘Before funny things started’ | A World Cup monologue by Tapuwa Moore

I decided to post my Facebook status in Spanish if La Furia Roja won the World Cup. My funny revolution and evolution was alive! My sister was startled by my Facebook status. La Furia Roja españa ganara!!! Pulpo Paul lo prejido y Mick Jagger no lleva a España así estamos bien! WC para ESP!” … si tengo, que escoger, voy encontrar de las predicciones del Pulpo Paul … To be honest with you my friend I didn’t watch the final except the last three minutes of extra time. Lucky enough I saw the magic goal by Andrés Iniesta, then I posted more Spanish … el pulpo “adivino” sello supremo con titulo de España … arrestan al Pulpo Paul por homicidio “pulposo” … los animales que quieren desplazar Pulpo Paul … Polvo Profeta Pulpo Paul!

Then a friend responded in Spanish. I didn’t have a clue what the hell she was saying.

Then two days after the World Cup I saw a taxi covered with Wayne Rooney’s Nike ad saying “Sir Wayne.” Why, why did you knight that man before the World Cup, or was it after the World Cup? Haikhona the British are good at shooting themselves in the feet. And at 23:50 the same night I had a momentary World Cup soccer blues relapse. My heart got the infatuation bug again. No, it’s not the same woman, it’s another one. It must have been alcohol speaking … I know it wasn’t me.

Three days after Spain won I received another yellow counterfeit adidas sweater from Wits University writing centre director Pam Nichols. Pulpo Profeta Paul did not know about my academia curse. I know my shrink will be sceptical of my sanity if she hears me talk about academia-curse issues.

And about my Spanish madness … adoro la naturaleza! por eso tengo al Pulpo Paul en mi avatar! … chicos acabo de descubrir que el Pulpo Paul actuó an Toy Story 3 esto ya es demasiado? … Pulpo Paul predice que Colombia calsificara y ganara el Mundial de 2014. Titulo de la pelicula: Paul fiestón … me han dicho que el Pulpo Paul es gay!

Do not be alarmed by my bad Spanish. I’m still rusty. I learn Spanish by DIY.

© 2010 Tapuwa Moore. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

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2 comments on this post.
  1. Junie:

    Wow Wow and Wow again!! It’s good to finally read some of your work. I find the line about the academia-curse hilarious. You’re an awesome writer. Wish you could explain the Spanish bits though …

  2. Andrew:

    Awesome article. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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